I adore an Indian Buffet. You don't even know. It gives me a chance to try things I might not be willing to shell out the $$ for to try as a stand-alone dish. And it literally feeds into my binge eating disorder.
Let me explain what that means for me. When I get stressed out in any way, good, bad or weird, I want to eat. Actually, not just want; there is a need, a force that compels me to eat. I don't always even want what I'm eating, I just do it as an instinctive response that I developed unconsciously from when I was around 11.
That was when my dad left for the final time, puberty hit and I had no coping mechanisms for this perfect storm. I didn't think there was anyone to talk to, anyone who would listen to the sadness, anger, and fear that were roiling inside of me.
After collecting my paper route money, I would stop off at a small store to buy packaged brownies, Cheetos and a Sprite, which I then shoved down my face before I headed home to give the rest of the money I earned to my mother to help pay for milk for the family.
There were also the baggies of cake decorating supplies, sprinkles, chocolate chips and coconut, hidden in my sock drawer for me to shove into my face when someone in the family erupted in anger because we didn't know how to process the craziness that was thrust into our lives.
That bingeing carried on into college, where pizza and wings were a Buffalo tradition, and I used that to my advantage. My drinking, binge drinking, became almost professional.
So you see, bingeing was something I didn't know how to stop.
I've spent years working on it. Sobriety was the first step, 13 years ago. Now I don't have food around me that will trigger a binge: no chocolate, no cookies, no chips, not even crackers.
Now I'm working on portion control- I go into a restaurant with the plan that I will cut my meal in half and take rest home. I even look up the menu ahead of time to see what will work for me.
This may seem obsessive. "Lighten up", some say, "Live a little!". But when I do think "I deserve this doughnut. I need this cheese-covered pizza", it can end up being more than one doughnut or slice of pizza.
My Normal, for right now, is continual watchfulness over my stress levels, my portions, and my health. For me, this works to keep me healthy in mind and body.
Hopefully, it will eventually become just another portion of a healthy life.
Let me explain what that means for me. When I get stressed out in any way, good, bad or weird, I want to eat. Actually, not just want; there is a need, a force that compels me to eat. I don't always even want what I'm eating, I just do it as an instinctive response that I developed unconsciously from when I was around 11.
That was when my dad left for the final time, puberty hit and I had no coping mechanisms for this perfect storm. I didn't think there was anyone to talk to, anyone who would listen to the sadness, anger, and fear that were roiling inside of me.
After collecting my paper route money, I would stop off at a small store to buy packaged brownies, Cheetos and a Sprite, which I then shoved down my face before I headed home to give the rest of the money I earned to my mother to help pay for milk for the family.
There were also the baggies of cake decorating supplies, sprinkles, chocolate chips and coconut, hidden in my sock drawer for me to shove into my face when someone in the family erupted in anger because we didn't know how to process the craziness that was thrust into our lives.
That bingeing carried on into college, where pizza and wings were a Buffalo tradition, and I used that to my advantage. My drinking, binge drinking, became almost professional.
So you see, bingeing was something I didn't know how to stop.
I've spent years working on it. Sobriety was the first step, 13 years ago. Now I don't have food around me that will trigger a binge: no chocolate, no cookies, no chips, not even crackers.
Now I'm working on portion control- I go into a restaurant with the plan that I will cut my meal in half and take rest home. I even look up the menu ahead of time to see what will work for me.
This may seem obsessive. "Lighten up", some say, "Live a little!". But when I do think "I deserve this doughnut. I need this cheese-covered pizza", it can end up being more than one doughnut or slice of pizza.
My Normal, for right now, is continual watchfulness over my stress levels, my portions, and my health. For me, this works to keep me healthy in mind and body.
Hopefully, it will eventually become just another portion of a healthy life.
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